Hey folks well first off I want to apologize for not keeping up my word I told you at the beginning of this year pretty recently that I would be going out and not missing any weeks and keeping up with my my YouTube thing and and getting it going hardcore again and I had done.

That I got like four or five trips in uh before the bugs in May and I and I have all that footage and it's all going to come out and stuff but I had a a tragedy hop into my family and it kind of um set things back a little bit um my little brother Isaac passed away.

And it was uh my greatest fear come true my mom's greatest fear come true my sisters everybody who knew him he was troubled for for a long time he had boats of psychosis and he had uh depression and um plenty other things going on.

He was a great guy he loved him he was loved so much by his family and he loved us so much um we don't really know what happened to be honest with you it could have been a heart attack induced by substance I'm going to talk a little bit freely on.

This video I'm not going to monetize it it's not going to stay monetized even if I did and I thought of me making a scent off my brother's passing is just repulsive so I uh I'm gonna say some things in this video that uh you might not appreciate or may not want to hear your your loved ones to hear so just just a.

Heads up but I'm going to talk here for a bit about some real stuff and if you want to listen please do I want my my pain my My Tragedy to be your lesson because I wouldn't wish this on anyone I have cried so much that I've given myself my first migraine in my of my life I'm 39 years old I've never had a migraine before now I visited day seven.

Of this it's all on the right side um so for don't think I'm cold if I'm not crying uh I just can't do it anymore because of the physical pain um I grew up an only child for like 10 years my mom and me and my grandma and I always I was I was raised religious very born again Christian and I would pray I.

Would always pray for a father and and for a brother and sister and that's what I wanted and when I was six uh my Mom married a man named Ron and he became my father and they had two kids Abigail and Isaac Abigail was eight years younger than me and Isaac was 10 years younger than me and um yeah I never uh I moved away you know.

What I mean I I I was older than them I babysat them for quite some time they're a pain in my butt a lot I was not very nice to them when I was younger because they took up a lot of my free time I didn't realize that that was going to be the case and As We Grew Older we grew closer together.

I remember at one point my sister lived with me for a couple years and my brother um I went into like I he started having psychosis when he was right when I was 16 and um I think I believe it was brought on by substance as well.

Pardon me I'm no saint I've dabbled you know what I mean I have ex more of an experimented in my life but and I'm not I'm not glorifying that by any means it's just where I'm from it's just it's part of life right and most people grow up and grow out of that.

Um the problem is like I didn't have too many mental problems growing up maybe I have some now but like I was pretty good when I was growing up I I was pretty squared away I when I can't say the same for my brother.

My sister you know what I mean so it was um it was hard growing up and watching that happen to them my brother more so my sister has some kids and that really grounds you you know what I mean that really makes you understand what your priorities are and you know that you can't mess up in life and that's helped.

Me out quite a bit uh I I would never I'll go work a nine to five job tomorrow if I had to to support my family I love them more than my any more than breath itself and they know that and and I would do anything for them and I'm sure that many 99.9 of the mothers and fathers feel that way but when you don't have children you don't really have that.

Like um that need to to be good that that responsibility right and that coupled on top of living in Windsor where it's like you're working at a factory if you're lucky you're paying tons of money to stay at this crappy little place there's no outdoor stuff to.

Do there's nothing nothing really to do and my brother Isaac he just didn't really have too many friends it's just part of the whole thing right like anybody who has it had any relatives with any kind of mental issues they're going to understand what I'm talking about it's legit it's like um like fingernails don't get cut you know what.

I mean houses don't get cleaned um you put on a lot of weight I trusted this guy with my life and I still would I would trust him with my family my kids no no problem like that's not he was not a bad person he was trying to quiet the voices in his head um it could have been a heart attack like I was starting to say.

It could have someone could have slipped that internal in there and who knows um we don't get the report back from the coroner for another couple weeks but I had to go down and deal with all this with my mom and not that I had to I of course I did I.

I jumped at the fat at as soon as I found out I left and that is a crazy story as well Tasha and I were out in the middle of the Bush and I didn't we were only gone for one night we had just come back from a two-night trip we got out early so we went out again from my place for one night this really cool spot we're having a great.

Trip it's like 8 30 at night and all of a sudden he gets a message on his zolio uh my wife will and his girlfriend know each other and it's a message saying there's an emergency at home Joe needs to get home now there's an emergency Joe needs to get home now and immediately I broke down because I.

Knew something was just severely wrong and as bad as I sound and so we packed up at 8 30 at night and I freaking left hush in the dust man and we we paddled in Port harsh to get out in the pitch black for probably probably should I think four hours ago and two um and all I knew was something was wrong so I left Tosh in the dust and.

As bad as it sounds I'm praying this whole time I hope I hope it's the dog as bad as that sounds like I'm hope it's the dog because otherwise what is it I know it's not will because she made the text it's either my kids so my mom it's my brother's the dog I just knew that and as bad as it sounds I even was feeling so bad about thinking I hope.

It's something happened to the dog oh paddle and Portage finally he's screaming for me I waited for him out of Portage he paddles up and he got a next the next text and he goes uh Joe it was uh Will's okay the kids your kids are fine I go the dog he goes no man I go my.

Brother's gone he goes I'm sorry and uh I knew it like I said it was one of my greatest fears um every night my mom would be worried before going to bed but anyways I had to deal with that I don't know the Portage or Tosh and um.

Thank you very much to Tosh for helping me out with that and thank you to his lady for for for getting the message across if I was out there having fun and needed to be home I would have it wouldn't have been good but we got back or I got back and then left for Windsor bright and early the.

Next morning drove the whole way got there it was so sad he didn't even have uh he didn't have any friends or anything like that you know what I mean like I said is his psychosis was a bit messed up and it was hard for him to social situations were hard for him that's why the drinking helped quite a.

Bit too but we didn't have a funeral we just had it was just me my mom my sister my mom's husband Joe Isaac's basically Isaac's dad and we just all said something about him and I sat with him and held him he was cold you guys he was cold man it was so bad.

He's my little brother's 28. we were friends he looked up to me I moved away you know what I mean I I have so much regret this is this is what I really wanted to get to you can't put things off and like it sucks that it takes something like this to to kick this into high gear again for you like you think about this in certain.

Situations in life when loved one passes or something like this happens it's just like man the world doesn't wait for you you know what I mean I wish I had more time he was supposed to come up this this summer and camp with us camp with me again we went camping last year or the year before and it was such a bad.

Situation I I I try to make I try to have him do too much because I wanted to get into a good spot and he just couldn't hack it and he felt all bad about it and I didn't film it because of that and I left I left them all I left them all years ago they're all in Windsor just living there and I would help them.

But like you message me for money and I didn't want to give it to him because I didn't want to support it and I didn't want this to happen like imagine if I gave him the money and then this happened you know what I mean like I've never lost someone this close to me I'm lost my best friend the same way though.

You know what I mean lost my best friend the same way 10 years ago the same age same age I'm 39 my little brother was 28 when he died guys you gotta if you I wish I did more he told me he needed help he told me he needed help and I wish I did more there's nothing I can do now.

It's too late I'm never gonna see my little brother again you guys it's such a such a crazy thing to think about it doesn't even seem real he needed my help and I left you know and I'm not trying to have a pity party for me please that's not what I'm after what I'm after is for you to understand how serious I am about this.

If you have someone in your life that you haven't spoken to for some stupid reason even if it was supposed to for a real reason before what does it matter you know what I mean if you grew up with them if you love them if you hide love for them you need to reach out.

Or if you know someone that needs help if you the likelihood of this just going away is very slim people need help I gotta live my life better for my girls I can't I can't leave them earlier like this I don't really know what else to say please take care of your loved ones um me and Isaac were more than friends.

More than Brothers we were friends you know it was like one of his only friends and uh I can't get him back and all the guilt and responsibility I feel is just going to uh it's gonna amplify the fact that I got to be better for everybody I gotta be better for my family and my friends and.

People I don't know and uh try to help out people instead of looking at people with maybe with disgust or with like Teddy or or or fear certain types of people maybe we need to maybe I need to look at them with compassion and try and help them because I can't help my brother now.

Please I don't need uh I'm not in this for anything other than just uh a heads up to you guys about why I'm going to be gone and about being good to each other and telling please just call somebody you haven't talked to in a long time just tell them you love them if you do.

Tell me this and tell me think about him you appreciate them you care about them and ask them if there's anything you can do for them ask them how they need help I will be back soon and I'll get these videos uh edited and out for you please uh pass the word on.

All right thanks a lot guys I really appreciate you I appreciate every single one of you if I've ever done anything to slide any of you um I'm sorry I'm an idiot I'm a selfish idiot